Tani Friese

I think a lot about a lot of things, so much so that I contend with my thoughts - not because of
what they are but how they are. A continuous onslaught of wayward ideas, subject to shifting
under any external or internal force that may outweigh them. Just like some people talk until
they’re blue in the face as the saying goes, I process until my mind is weak. Imagine my
frustration when I try to put words to my thoughts.

Syntax has not proven to be a structure on which I feel I can safely support my ideas. During
times when they’d be most useful, my words slip; speaking always feels more like explaining or
defending. My thoughts are elusive to coherent summary.

Art is a tool that enables me to speak through alternative methods. Material has become my
preferred language, experimentation my speech therapy.

So until I figure out what to say in my art and how, I give in to what I know at this time - my
struggle with articulation.

To start, I prepare surfaces to be dedicated landing spaces for whatever material utterances
should come from my hands. I prepare a headspace, one in which thoughts are still not words
but rather emotions, sometimes melodies. I apply materials of texture like plaster, paint, and
fabric to these surfaces in abstract compositions according to the state of my meditation, like
synesthesia. These materials impart visual tactility to newly generated surfaces, the attributes of
which perform as my words better than if I was to attempt to speak them myself. The gestures
are journal entries of a series of thought sessions comprising of but not limited to: aggression,
anxiety, timidity, serenity, forgiveness, confidence, hesitance, prayer, making-sense-of,
confrontations, resolutions, and more.

I am continually becoming more comfortable with the fact that most of the time, for me at least,
there simply are no words that will justly express my internal thoughts. Art suffices.